i realized

the other day that i typically post things that allow me to escape from my reality…things that take me away…and i do not want to seem as though i do not love my life…i love the agony and the pain and the everyday NEED….but even in this harsh journey there are these undeniable joys…blissful elation…insane highs… the moments in my reality that take my oxygen…i cannot deny the love that is so graciously given…the prayers so richly answered in this life that i have ..the life that i never expected and cannot wrap my head around. but i am not so sure that i think about what sweeps away simply because i long for there…for the end…for the completion…

jarrod and hudson and emersen and the memories…the memories that walk beside me and squeeze my hand…the life that had i not lived i would not know love the way i do…i would not SEE my children the way i do…i would not hurt so much or cry so hard or laugh with my whole being.

i love this life…this reality…but i do not love it enough to stay.

 

  i love this picture of hudson:)

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